Slugging is what keeps me sane here in the greater Washington DC area. To this day I am thankful for one of the greatest gifts ever, given to me by my friend Chris A. lo these many years ago. That being the "how to slug" knowledge. Oh, most of you do not have a clue as to what "slugging" is?
Slugging is a non-government interfered with system set up by some very intelligent people when the Earth was still young and dinosaurs ruled our planet that allows the most efficient use of the High Occupancy Vehicle (HOV) lanes on trips to and from the greater DC and the Northern Virginia areas. Since the HOV lanes in question require most cars to have three or more people in them to use the lanes during peak hours, and since the HOV vehicle occupants typically are treated to the amusing sight of thousands of cars barely creeping along in the slow lanes as we rocket by, the people who conceived of the idea that you could have willing drivers pick up perfect strangers and drop them off after a trip on the HOV's were obviously struck by genius. So there are prearranged places where people park, or get dropped off, and then wait for a car going to a prearranged place at the other end.
Slugging works, but of course as the slug you have no control of anything going on, unless there is an emergency. And thus the tales ...
Bad Drivers. After a while, you get used to being so close to the car in front of you that you can read the fine print on the bumper sticker, or so far back that a freight train could easily cut in front of the car you are in. But some drivers stand out. Back when I was still working in Rosslyn I climbed into a white mini-van, driven by some woman who was dressed sort of professionally and who did not offer conversation. Usually riding with non-talkers is no big deal, but on that day it turned out to be a bit more worrisome. She drove fast, and quick. Angry, I would think later, and her being quiet was due to the anger brewing into rage, perhaps. Fast you understand; by quick I mean she was cutting in front of other cars with very quick moves, accelerated sharply, and of course had to brake sharply too. Riding peoples bumpers. She was not adverse to driving on the shoulder to get a look at the traffic in front of her. She did all of this a lot, so the drive was very uncomfortable from the "this is the definition of high risk driving" perspective, but I figured at least we would get there fast. The only time she was not zigging and zagging like a running back was when she cut in front of a bus, and had a nice stretch of empty pavement in front of her. That is when Crazy Woman put the brakes on. I think I heard the bus brakes squeal, since she had cut right in front of him, but in any event after forcing the bus to slow down she was off to the races again. When we got to Rosslyn she continued cutting in front of people, making a nuisance of herself. But there was one final rude gesture that my fellow slug and I were to endure: Instead of dropping us off at the arranged spot, she suddenly stopped in the right traffic lane after cutting in front of yet one more car - who honked to let her know what an idiot she was - and told us to get out. Needless to say, if I had ever seen her in line again I would not have ridden again with that one.
Then of course the couple in the Mercedes who, I guess, were very tired. Because the whole trip she seemed to be close to drifting off. Finally, we get near the end and are stopped behind a bus. Bus pulls forward, she pulls forward. And apparently drifts off just before putting the brakes on. The bus was not damaged, the car was. And I was able to fulfill the dream of many people and play traffic cop on the freeway, signaling people to move to the next lane from around the curve until the State Patrol rolled in about 45 minutes later.
Strange / Weird Drivers. Those who drive well enough to not worry you, but there is a bit something odd going on. A story from a good friend who slugs illustrates the point: He gets into a van, the driver says "Hi" pretending to be normal. A few moments later and they are off on the freeway, and the driver hands the two slugs a piece of paper. It explains why he is not talking. Since he was in dispute with the Patent Office over having been let go, he had vowed to not say another word until he had been reinstated. The whole trip my friend Tim B. was wondering if the driver was going to go psycho ...
It is good that people who cannot hear can still drive, but: Car pulls up with a passenger in the front seat. I climb in and we are off like track stars heading home. The two in front start using sign language. Ummm ... guys you do know that your little conversation is a lot less important than the traffic we are in cruising along at relatively high speeds, right? The "conversation" becomes more and more animated, meaning that the driver was looking at the passenger rather than the road more and more of the time, which the slug did not like much. But apparently the driver was multitasking, because we never hit anything but air. Still, not a trip I would have been willing to try again.
Noise pretending to be music. As a slug you have no control of the radio station in the car. A lot of people pick mainstream news or music stations that do not insult the slug's intelligence or ears. Some choose otherwise. I like classical music, or good 'ol rock and roll, or jazz. In other words music that has a melody, that imparts a sense that the musician actually has talent playing or singing what someone who actually had talent composed. Sadly a lot of the drivers choose to listen to noise - people who can't sing worth a hill of beans, people playing instruments like they were kitchenware.
Missed your exit. New drivers sometimes are not sure of the route. No problem! Just ask and most slugs will be happy to serve as guide slugs. Of course a few times drivers have both not known how to get where they are going and chosen to not ask for directions, leading to extended trips. Luckily, the area around the Pentagon has had a lot of trees left up so trips over the various bridges and into the outskirts of DC can be pleasant except for the traffic, and eventually I have always made it to work.
There are of course the special cases. On a trip home the slug driver misses our exit. No problem, right? Drive to the next exit and work your way back. Not this clown. Backs up on the freeway, on a day when traffic on the HOVs is humming along at 70+. Idiot!
On a trip to work. Often due at least in part to the antics of the parking lot doughnut eaters directing traffic at our destination there can be a back up that extends down the freeway a good bit. It is OK to use a different exit to go to the back parking area, and it often makes sense since far fewer even know how to do this. But this guy decided to be special. Instead of going around to the back, he assures us that he knows a better way, and makes what is essentially a U-turn on the freeway at the reversible lane interchange. Yes, that was fun as we waited for this bozo to pull into fast moving oncoming traffic just to take us into a wandering maze of streets for half an hour of flailing around when we could have been done with the ride in 10 minutes.
Just Plain Bad Radio stations. I do not like shock jocks. They are rude, and the stupid antics they play on unsuspecting people should get them sued. It has been a long while since I have listened to them on a slug ride, thank goodness. Racist radio stations (would it be racist for a white sportscaster to say "Lets see how the teams with white quarterbacks did. I like the teams with white quarterbacks"? If it is, then it was just as bad when a black sportscaster said the same except substituting the word black for white.) Stupid radio station broadcasters. These are the people who use no logic, instead spouting off whatever cause of the day hits the streets even if it makes no sense or has no evidence to back it. One of the worst is a particular local religious celebrity who spends much more time plugging politics or the social cause of the minute than she spends talking about God. These broadcasters all have one thing in common: They lie like rugs. Sadly many of their brain-dead listeners, including the slug drivers who listen to them, are naïve and gullible enough to believe them. More is not better. Yes, Sirius has an incredible number of stations. Which means they have a lot of good stations, but also a bunch of losers. Music sung by people who really should move on to the next dream. People who cannot even spell "logic" because if they could they would realize how absolutely illogical their positions are. Sadly, there are some slug drivers who listen to this crap. And we wonder why the country is in the mess that it is - well the answer is that there are enough people who think this kind of wasted air space is actually worth listening too.
Cool trips. The bad slug rides are vastly outnumbered by the nothing noteworthy rides, but also greatly outnumbered by the cool rides. That will be a future post! Enjoy!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Annoyances: Walking
Things that nearly go bump when you are walking in crowds, or: Some people do not seem to be able to walk without being pains in the kazoo.
People with those rolling backpacks who cut in front of you without clearing the bag. Yes, lady, cool rolling bag. And I am glad it lets you walk faster, thus allowing you to pass people like me who have bad wheels. But could you take a couple of extra steps before cutting in front so your freaking bag does not clip me?
We walk on the right side of the walkway in this culture. If you are walking on the left side you look stupid when you glare at someone who does not dodge out of your way. Learn to follow local customs, not to try and teach everyone else to do things your way.
Coming around a corner in the building. How about staying to the right so the person coming the other way does not have to come to a screeching stop when you are in his or her lane?
I do not mind you cutting in front of me; to the fastest go the spoils after all. But when you cut in front of me you really should not be the reason I have to stop, shift to the side, or break stride. To do that is rude, young whippersnapper.
Glad you have seen your long lost friend. Now could you have your reunion celebration with both of you hugging the wall, rather than in the middle of the corridor? High ranking people seem immune to moving their impromptu discussions out of the way. Really makes you wonder how they got to be high ranking when they are so abusive of other people's daily lives.
Slow moving blocks of people. You annoy other's when you walk next to each other in a 90 degree to the wall line, separated by enough space to almost fit a skinny person through. We know you think it is somehow good to slow everyone else down so you can trundle on your way yacking while oblivious to other people's need for speed. Jerks.
Handicapped people are not immune to being annoyances either. Those little electric go-carts that the office provides you with since you can't move around without help can be turned into Mario-carts of death doom and destruction in the hands of someone who is impatient with all the slow people that she can suddenly pass. That means all us who walk. What is really interesting is nearly getting hit by one of these Indy 500 wanna-bes who then has the gall to look annoyed like the walker is supposed to leap out of her way when she kicks the accelerator to "roll for your life".
And of course the no-patience blind guy. First mistake: He is walking next to the LEFT wall of the corridor. This has him collide with the garbage/recycle containers and interfere with the people who are walking the opposite direction on the right side of the corridor. I happen to be one of those. Now, given the state of my knees, back and ankles, you had a guy who can't see and a guy who can't instantly get out of the way and some garbage cans and a lot of other people walking past who I really did not want to bump into. So I do as I often do when one of our visually challenged people look like they could use a touch of help and offer to direct him, since he is obviously way off course. He gets annoyed, saying he knows where he is going, than bounces into the garbage cans again. I ask him to stop as he is about to bump into me, more annoyance on his part as he is obviously not getting that stopping and calmly letting one movement challenged person and one sight challenged person might be better than playing bumper car. Eventually I am able to elude the swinging cane and be on my way, with him still looking upset that me and the garbage cans conspired to ruin his progress.
Have a great day!
People with those rolling backpacks who cut in front of you without clearing the bag. Yes, lady, cool rolling bag. And I am glad it lets you walk faster, thus allowing you to pass people like me who have bad wheels. But could you take a couple of extra steps before cutting in front so your freaking bag does not clip me?
We walk on the right side of the walkway in this culture. If you are walking on the left side you look stupid when you glare at someone who does not dodge out of your way. Learn to follow local customs, not to try and teach everyone else to do things your way.
Coming around a corner in the building. How about staying to the right so the person coming the other way does not have to come to a screeching stop when you are in his or her lane?
I do not mind you cutting in front of me; to the fastest go the spoils after all. But when you cut in front of me you really should not be the reason I have to stop, shift to the side, or break stride. To do that is rude, young whippersnapper.
Glad you have seen your long lost friend. Now could you have your reunion celebration with both of you hugging the wall, rather than in the middle of the corridor? High ranking people seem immune to moving their impromptu discussions out of the way. Really makes you wonder how they got to be high ranking when they are so abusive of other people's daily lives.
Slow moving blocks of people. You annoy other's when you walk next to each other in a 90 degree to the wall line, separated by enough space to almost fit a skinny person through. We know you think it is somehow good to slow everyone else down so you can trundle on your way yacking while oblivious to other people's need for speed. Jerks.
Handicapped people are not immune to being annoyances either. Those little electric go-carts that the office provides you with since you can't move around without help can be turned into Mario-carts of death doom and destruction in the hands of someone who is impatient with all the slow people that she can suddenly pass. That means all us who walk. What is really interesting is nearly getting hit by one of these Indy 500 wanna-bes who then has the gall to look annoyed like the walker is supposed to leap out of her way when she kicks the accelerator to "roll for your life".
And of course the no-patience blind guy. First mistake: He is walking next to the LEFT wall of the corridor. This has him collide with the garbage/recycle containers and interfere with the people who are walking the opposite direction on the right side of the corridor. I happen to be one of those. Now, given the state of my knees, back and ankles, you had a guy who can't see and a guy who can't instantly get out of the way and some garbage cans and a lot of other people walking past who I really did not want to bump into. So I do as I often do when one of our visually challenged people look like they could use a touch of help and offer to direct him, since he is obviously way off course. He gets annoyed, saying he knows where he is going, than bounces into the garbage cans again. I ask him to stop as he is about to bump into me, more annoyance on his part as he is obviously not getting that stopping and calmly letting one movement challenged person and one sight challenged person might be better than playing bumper car. Eventually I am able to elude the swinging cane and be on my way, with him still looking upset that me and the garbage cans conspired to ruin his progress.
Have a great day!
My Kids - From a Father's Perspective
I actually thought about this on Father's Day, and started to write it the day after, only to find that draft missing tonight. But here goes again:
Those who know me know who did not know me be before we had kids would find it hard to match up my old views about having kids with the intense love and sometimes deep frustrations that they have engendered and continue (thankfully with a bit less of the later and more of the former) to cause to this day.
I can remember telling Mom that I did not want to have kids. My dear friends the Anzalones, and those other friends who I was lucky to have in Mountain Home during my first Air Force assignment, also knew of this aversion. This deep feeling did not come about because of growing up poor, because honestly while I knew we were not fiscally well off, and was occasionally upset by things we could not have, that was massively offset by knowing the fierce love and support from two of the finest parents that God has ever gifted any kid with. My Mom and Dad did more within the limits that they had to work with then anyone could have expected, and for that I am endlessly thankful. No, not wanting kids was something that came from a sense of convenience. Selfishness I will call it in a moment of honest self understanding. Kids took up your time, they endlessly wanted your energy, effort, patience. When young they produced challenges of diapers, patience, repetition, constant vigilance. As they grew older you were able to sleep more and eventually did not have to worry about sanitation every hour or so but those positive changes were offset by truculence, stubbornness, pushing limits, intentional disobedience. Then when they start to turn into little humans they start school, and you have to deal with that constant drama and them wanting to have friends that were wrong for them. Etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum. Later they begin to think that somehow their limited few years on Earth somehow make them wise and you stupid, obviously wrong but no one can claim that the young have fully functioning brains. Based on what I had seen of kids, including me, they were drains down which the parents' poured endless time, limitless resources. And so it was that when I first met the Anzalones, and saw that they had two wonderful kids and were nevertheless wonderful people, and later gaped in amazement as they had a third, that I knew that they were special and rare. And for the first time I thought that maybe having kids would not be so bad. But, I quickly disabused myself of that nonsense and quickly went back to not wanting to ever have to deal with that whole mess.
I met Sharon, fell in love, eventually got married, and realized that sooner or later we would probably have kids. And so it was, after we had planned on waiting for five years or so, that Kristi was born about two years after we got married. As she developed from the tiny form she was when the doctor told us that we were expecting, and consternation hit me like a sledgehammer, to the time she was born and I experienced the first of two most perfect moments in my life, I slowly developed into a man who wanted kids. That is not to say that any of the concerns I had before were wrong, but rather that I knew we could deal with the negative issues and that the positive ones would greatly outweigh the bad.
Kristi. Kristi was in no hurry to be born. Perhaps it was the nice environment that Sharon and I provided. Good food, never anything like alcohol that would hurt her, good music, calm voices talking to her through the wall of the womb, a fantastic German Shepherd and Cat (Astra and Bobbie) who by bringing joy to the parents helped bring a comfortable fetus-hood to the daughter. So when she finally came out into the world, almost two weeks late and after a mad dash to the hospital, she was already a well developed infant. She was born, and after being wrapped up she was presented to the glowing mother. Sharon looked at her and held her with incredible warmth, and love, and Kristi responded likewise despite just having gone through what must have been a difficult transition. Than Sharon handed her to me. I will never forget the incredible feeling of love and devotion that shot through me the first time I held her and looked into her eyes, will never forget the instant bond, the calm intelligence and love that I saw in her as she looked at the newest Daddy in the world. A few days later we took her home. Seeing my mother hold her granddaughter was a wondrous gift as well, and when Mom looked at me with love, pride, and happiness I knew that we had given her a great gift as well, and that I would never not want kids again. I am thankful that she was able to know her granddaughter, even if only for those two short years. Sharon's mom came soon after, and again I saw great love and happiness, and that only strengthened the feelings of how right this was.
Throughout the weeks, months and years after Kristi's birth, as the challenges that I had known would come for years indeed came and were conquered, and as challenges that I had never even thought of presented themselves off and on as well, the love and devotion never waned, never dulled. And today, though I cannot hold her on my forearm and gently move her head up and down, and though she has had her first name for all these years, that bond shows no sign of weakening.
She showed her characteristic intelligence and stubbornness from an early age. She liked to be held, wanted attention and was not shy about demanding it if not enough was provided. So many tales to tell, but perhaps I will write of them some other time. Suffice to say that today I am so proud of her, for she has come far, overcome great difficulties, and seems happy. More I cannot ask for, but there is her success as a professional that makes me happy as well.
Chip. Chip also was in no hurry to be born. Like his sister a little more than three years before, he was formed in a loving environment. By then Astra had died, as had my Mom, but Sharon's Mom was there to welcome him home, and Schatte the German Shepherd and Goldie the Yellow Lab were the dogs who gave him the doggie love that lucky kids get. So perhaps it should not have been unexpected that he too would be about two weeks late. I first gazed into his eyes when Sharon was told to stop pushing since he was coming out with the cord around his neck, and then ended up moving to get it off of him when the midwife and the two or three students did not move fast enough to satisfy me. Soon after he was given to Sharon, who for the second time looked at a newborn of her own with the same motherly love and happiness that I had seen a few years before. When it was my turn, that same bolt of love and devotion that had hit me three years before did so again.
Chip provided the same challenges as we had survived and learned from before. The standard challenges that every well cared for infant offers to the parents were ours to deal with again. Of course there were great differences in the characters of the two siblings, for while the first wanted and still wants to be the center of attention to, her brother prefers to be somewhat more alone. The wonders that he has given will also, hopefully, be told later, but suffice for now to say I am blessed to have him in my life.
His way is that of the mind. Chip has a great intelligence, perhaps augmented by some of the challenges that he has and will face. He, like me when I was younger, tends to have strong opinions based on keen observations of the world around him, though like the young me he perhaps occasionally is somewhat wrong. I trust that with time he will become less judgmental, and allow others to be less perfect than now. He likes time to examine his environment, to figure out the how and what of a given situation. I have experienced much happiness watching him grow, learn, accomplish, and the bond that was sealed with his birth also shows no sign of weakening.
And so it is. It was a Happy Father's day, for though Chip is in Japan hopefully learning and enjoying the experience much, despite some challenges, I feel the love of two fine children, and that warms my heart and lets me laugh at the young me who would not want to have them in his life.
Those who know me know who did not know me be before we had kids would find it hard to match up my old views about having kids with the intense love and sometimes deep frustrations that they have engendered and continue (thankfully with a bit less of the later and more of the former) to cause to this day.
I can remember telling Mom that I did not want to have kids. My dear friends the Anzalones, and those other friends who I was lucky to have in Mountain Home during my first Air Force assignment, also knew of this aversion. This deep feeling did not come about because of growing up poor, because honestly while I knew we were not fiscally well off, and was occasionally upset by things we could not have, that was massively offset by knowing the fierce love and support from two of the finest parents that God has ever gifted any kid with. My Mom and Dad did more within the limits that they had to work with then anyone could have expected, and for that I am endlessly thankful. No, not wanting kids was something that came from a sense of convenience. Selfishness I will call it in a moment of honest self understanding. Kids took up your time, they endlessly wanted your energy, effort, patience. When young they produced challenges of diapers, patience, repetition, constant vigilance. As they grew older you were able to sleep more and eventually did not have to worry about sanitation every hour or so but those positive changes were offset by truculence, stubbornness, pushing limits, intentional disobedience. Then when they start to turn into little humans they start school, and you have to deal with that constant drama and them wanting to have friends that were wrong for them. Etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum. Later they begin to think that somehow their limited few years on Earth somehow make them wise and you stupid, obviously wrong but no one can claim that the young have fully functioning brains. Based on what I had seen of kids, including me, they were drains down which the parents' poured endless time, limitless resources. And so it was that when I first met the Anzalones, and saw that they had two wonderful kids and were nevertheless wonderful people, and later gaped in amazement as they had a third, that I knew that they were special and rare. And for the first time I thought that maybe having kids would not be so bad. But, I quickly disabused myself of that nonsense and quickly went back to not wanting to ever have to deal with that whole mess.
I met Sharon, fell in love, eventually got married, and realized that sooner or later we would probably have kids. And so it was, after we had planned on waiting for five years or so, that Kristi was born about two years after we got married. As she developed from the tiny form she was when the doctor told us that we were expecting, and consternation hit me like a sledgehammer, to the time she was born and I experienced the first of two most perfect moments in my life, I slowly developed into a man who wanted kids. That is not to say that any of the concerns I had before were wrong, but rather that I knew we could deal with the negative issues and that the positive ones would greatly outweigh the bad.
Kristi. Kristi was in no hurry to be born. Perhaps it was the nice environment that Sharon and I provided. Good food, never anything like alcohol that would hurt her, good music, calm voices talking to her through the wall of the womb, a fantastic German Shepherd and Cat (Astra and Bobbie) who by bringing joy to the parents helped bring a comfortable fetus-hood to the daughter. So when she finally came out into the world, almost two weeks late and after a mad dash to the hospital, she was already a well developed infant. She was born, and after being wrapped up she was presented to the glowing mother. Sharon looked at her and held her with incredible warmth, and love, and Kristi responded likewise despite just having gone through what must have been a difficult transition. Than Sharon handed her to me. I will never forget the incredible feeling of love and devotion that shot through me the first time I held her and looked into her eyes, will never forget the instant bond, the calm intelligence and love that I saw in her as she looked at the newest Daddy in the world. A few days later we took her home. Seeing my mother hold her granddaughter was a wondrous gift as well, and when Mom looked at me with love, pride, and happiness I knew that we had given her a great gift as well, and that I would never not want kids again. I am thankful that she was able to know her granddaughter, even if only for those two short years. Sharon's mom came soon after, and again I saw great love and happiness, and that only strengthened the feelings of how right this was.
Throughout the weeks, months and years after Kristi's birth, as the challenges that I had known would come for years indeed came and were conquered, and as challenges that I had never even thought of presented themselves off and on as well, the love and devotion never waned, never dulled. And today, though I cannot hold her on my forearm and gently move her head up and down, and though she has had her first name for all these years, that bond shows no sign of weakening.
She showed her characteristic intelligence and stubbornness from an early age. She liked to be held, wanted attention and was not shy about demanding it if not enough was provided. So many tales to tell, but perhaps I will write of them some other time. Suffice to say that today I am so proud of her, for she has come far, overcome great difficulties, and seems happy. More I cannot ask for, but there is her success as a professional that makes me happy as well.
Chip. Chip also was in no hurry to be born. Like his sister a little more than three years before, he was formed in a loving environment. By then Astra had died, as had my Mom, but Sharon's Mom was there to welcome him home, and Schatte the German Shepherd and Goldie the Yellow Lab were the dogs who gave him the doggie love that lucky kids get. So perhaps it should not have been unexpected that he too would be about two weeks late. I first gazed into his eyes when Sharon was told to stop pushing since he was coming out with the cord around his neck, and then ended up moving to get it off of him when the midwife and the two or three students did not move fast enough to satisfy me. Soon after he was given to Sharon, who for the second time looked at a newborn of her own with the same motherly love and happiness that I had seen a few years before. When it was my turn, that same bolt of love and devotion that had hit me three years before did so again.
Chip provided the same challenges as we had survived and learned from before. The standard challenges that every well cared for infant offers to the parents were ours to deal with again. Of course there were great differences in the characters of the two siblings, for while the first wanted and still wants to be the center of attention to, her brother prefers to be somewhat more alone. The wonders that he has given will also, hopefully, be told later, but suffice for now to say I am blessed to have him in my life.
His way is that of the mind. Chip has a great intelligence, perhaps augmented by some of the challenges that he has and will face. He, like me when I was younger, tends to have strong opinions based on keen observations of the world around him, though like the young me he perhaps occasionally is somewhat wrong. I trust that with time he will become less judgmental, and allow others to be less perfect than now. He likes time to examine his environment, to figure out the how and what of a given situation. I have experienced much happiness watching him grow, learn, accomplish, and the bond that was sealed with his birth also shows no sign of weakening.
And so it is. It was a Happy Father's day, for though Chip is in Japan hopefully learning and enjoying the experience much, despite some challenges, I feel the love of two fine children, and that warms my heart and lets me laugh at the young me who would not want to have them in his life.
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